do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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