shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
