actually, I'm a sock model
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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