he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
