wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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