We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
