Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my poor anus
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
