Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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