Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
