xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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