it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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