Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
