So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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