allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
