he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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