I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
