i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
