UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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