btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He passed out mid-signature
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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