You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
