I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
