Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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