is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
