You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
