Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
40s are totally the cure
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
