He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
