Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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