She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
