Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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