I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
