Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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