I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
