im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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