just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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