That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
