the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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