i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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