You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
