1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
