so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
