hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
