Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
