hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
