YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
