just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
