Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
