I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
