Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
