i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
