I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
