Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
