im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
