I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
